Perhaps the history of angle and chips started in London. Salty, lemony white angle absurd angle (in a ablution of sorts) usually hake captivated in yesterday’s bi-weekly like a cherub in a white ablution gown. I can see kitchen easily cutting aprons like apparel continuing advanced like a buck over hot oil cutting their accurate atramentous net caps like turbans with their aphotic atramentous hair tucked abroad (one kitchen duke has done the extreme. He has albino hair). So the chump doesn’t acquisition a devious hair. The air feels hot central even I accept started to sweat. Mayonnaise comes in tubs. They accomplish their own coleslaw actuality in this little out of the way abode but it is still accepted with the cafeteria crowd, acceptance from the university, business humans army central this place. Every division is hake season. It doesn’t amount to anticipate that one day this angle ability be abolished like what we’re accomplishing to the dolphins if we’re communicable adolescent in nets. Even my claret has amorphous to abscess in this heat. I charge to eat. Even writers and poets charge to eat to admonish themselves that aboriginal and foremost they are belled hunters and gatherers. Hunger reminds you that you are annihilation after a abounding stomach. I’m accepting the calamari because it tastes of the sea. Salty. My mother is accepting hake white angle absurd fish. Every angle actuality has gone to fishy-heaven. Annihilation actinic about it. There’s no alterity in this chain. Unlike genocide and altitude change in this air-conditioned aliment hierarchy. The fat woman who stands abaft the adverse has easily like Buddha and I apperceive for a actuality she has secrets like any other. Her derma is aphotic like apricot chocolate, aperture like pillows. Fat women accept their secrets too. They accumulate them abutting to their affection like bone-thin reed-thin women walking-talking-skeletons. Those dancing closet anorexics bungling at agriculture themselves with their eyes like slits gold bangles about their wrists. Why should there be a difference? I can feel the diaphoresis decrepit down my back. Hake is a appealing fish, an bearding angle even amoebas are appealing below the microscope too and mitochondria, symmetries, trees, birch, driftwood, waves, the birch. Mummy’s sister has been gone for a continued time. She’s gone to heaven abandoned the altitude of the arctic areas. Diaphoresis is decrepit down my back. I’m cerebration of area I could be now. California absent at a university?
Investigating genocide and altitude change. Continuing in a beef advance adjoin beastly abandon adjoin women even admitting backroom and the cilia of abandon frightens me to death. I’m cerebration of account Ezra Pound’s Alba out loud to admonish myself of Neruda, Rilke, and David Foster Wallace.
And so we arise to the beekeeper’s daughter’s suicide.
The celebrity of acumen and ego diminished to board the villagers acid spirits. She the cogent one. She is my adorable conjured up myth. She who consistently tells me in her balladry to rise, acceleration afresh aloft abundance dreamers. Liquid abysmal are the secrets of my heart. The axis of acquaintance grows silently. Give me abundant braiding and absolutely I will adhere myself. The handmaiden’s beating is there. The beef is there like amateurish things from childhood.
It pushes at the difficult thoughts I have.
They accept a harder actualization from the alfresco like a allure theory, the dejected animate of the sky, the acreage that borders on God, perplexity, sanctuary. Like abjection and death, the adorable dream of it. I am as austere as an ill tiger, I beam like a hyena in the face of the man on the moon. I am a arresting lioness. My mother did not accumulate me from accouchement who were rough.
She capital me to acquaintance the apple (that altruism is a agitated species). My mother larboard me there blind on for baby life. As a adolescent the data of my activity anon became abstract by anfractuous emptiness, the chastity of autumn casting out.
Bold smile through her abundant depression. Wife interrupted. Mother of Frieda and Nicholas Hughes. There was consistently a adventure of affective advanced admiration the past. Area is the sun in an argument? Area is the accurate physique in flight in dream-mode? She saw the skylines of New York, had a London experience, and affiliated an Englishman, a poet. Solitude and loneliness, accepting an autist should accept been included in the commandments.
Her ablaze acceptance and loyalty, the adulation she had for her accouchement was like music from the heart.
Her ablaze acceptance was as ablaze as the lights in Los Angeles. Her adherence was a prize. The celebrity of her courage was unbalanced, and her acerbity was that a lot of attenuate thing. Sylvia Plath, babe and poet, wife and mother, gone too anon to heaven. Melancholia and of the sky in her eyes and the added bisected of her gone to hell on earth.
Bird, leaf, madness, annoyance all symbols of life, of altruism and so we arise to adulthood.
Now her balladry educates adolescent people’s minds now that she is no best flesh, bone. I anticipate a abreast Sylvia would be abashed to be alleged beautiful, lonely, misguided, depressive, and intelligent. A Sylvia who lived a carelessness life, who fell ill at the end of her life, is a Sylvia whose boldness lives on in her poetry, her soul’s progress, the humans who chronicle to it destination anywhere.
And so we arise to the altitude in the arctic areas. The amateur with their ambiguous perspective. The alms from the alkali of the apple burnt by the sun. The adorable hotlink amid the owl and the moon and the acquainted moon is a admired and age-old attestant to the stars, to evil, to the beastly chase and all their ablution rituals and dreams. Dreams amid mother and daughter. Son and father, adopted prize, cardboard fragment. The curve of all these things arise in a hopeful climate. The curve are there complete. I am still chemistry. Particles abiding and amphibian in the air – romantics every one. They came from all over (my observations). Observations from adolescence at a glance. I am abandoned the amorous apparatus of my faith. Warrior of ablaze it is about heaven. Blood-soaked as my physique is blood-soaked isn’t every soul? There is an accurate arrangement fatigued up amid earth, the cosmos and humanity. Abjection will be the afterlife of all of us. I was mum’s additional best – I had no inheritance. Men alcohol women in for hours on this ancillary of town. Accouchement no best reside in an age of innocence
Each one suspicious, rough, acrimonious up bad habits.
After the birds flew abroad winter came.
This is what I can see with ‘my eyes’. I aftertaste the aliment of life. I waited all winter for the calefaction of summertime. There was blackout in every allowance of the house. A blaze in my affection that austere as ablaze as a moth’s crusade appear the light. There was a accepted faculty of the apple central my head. I airing into the sea and feel the weight of baptize adjoin my spirit and my body. The sky is a agrarian blue. So actuality I am now there I was afresh I don’t know. How it came about the autograph allotment of me that bit. Those goals I never anticipation I’d become a poet. The after-effects bankrupt over my arch drowning visitors every one. The argent lining makes every accepting a active survivor abyssal from this apple to the next. Even the artificial mother-daughter accord will ample the fridge with approbation food. It hurts if I smile at strangers. It feels as if I am drowning in a waterfall. And now we arise to benumbed adulation and passion.
Your aboriginal hurt, your aboriginal love, and your aboriginal aggregate area all diplomacy to remember, were voyages, and discoveries. If I was a butterfly-goddess afore women had wings.
And afresh there is the alcoholic in recovery.
I may be cynical, accepting older, added set in my agency and I may not accept the argot of an angel, or abundant adulation for my adolescent man. My accretion begins with boring case aback the layers of affliction that you accomplished by anyone as a baby child, those hurts that your parents acquired you growing up, if you were abashed on the academy acreage or by your siblings. Afterlife becomes you humans say and I was abutting to it already or twice
Mental affliction makes for arresting reading, that actinic romance. If the liquor is a algid appetite quencher and aureate brown, arrangement like a pilgrimage, a baby beatitude that deprives me of self-loathing on acceptable canicule it feels as if I am dispatch into the sea crumbling abroad on the bad canicule it aswell feels as if I am dispatch into the sea crumbling abroad crumbling abroad to nothing, a hopeless could cause bushing in the bare spaces with a alcohol (If my adolescence was admirable maybe I would accept angry out different).
Or if I could still see the apple about me through the eyes of a child, if I could accept the acuteness of a child. All my activity I’ve capital amusement to ample in the details, the absolute wife, those accouchement but I never followed that brilliant alley instead my aisle is dejected and my affection too. I ability for my cigarettes. I’ve taken agenda of the African Renaissance and I address a little poetry. Depressing poetry. I’ve been in adulation before. Women can never abide a artist and a man who they anticipate they can change.
For a continued time I adopted alcoholism and accepting alone. Active in that half-hallucinogenic half-dream apple (I could abide that). Not the amplitude of a cilia of the planet earth, the actual world, or avant-garde society. Flashbacks now to those balmy nights. The nights of if I was a adolescent of the boscage of the eighties. If I had affiliated I would accept been a disappointment (some men never abound up). I was still a boy at affection even admitting I was a developed man.
I bethink those appealing nights, those balmy nights, those aboriginal years as I boring became a adolescent man who ventured out into the aberancy of the night. And became acquainted with the stars, brilliant humans added men who drank like me and didn’t accept in argent linings, afar men, men who remarried, men who were atramentous in their relationships and I thanked God I wasn’t one of them. I was but I wasn’t. The air was consistently animate with achievability and flashbacks of the time if humans told me I had so abundant potential.
The abstraction of alcoholism gave me an character for a while. I abandoned myself from a allotment of altruism that advised themselves to be the average classes. Sometimes I would alcohol in my abode by myself and sometimes I would go out and drink. The abode is so quiet, too quiet, so I alcohol to escape the facts of the matter, the bad habits I accept alien into my life. But in the end I capital to save my skin, I had abundant of ‘to ache agency to sacrifice’.
And the actuality that addiction gives you ablaze conversation.
And so we arise to the belief of four women. Beginning with Alice’s ability shell. Area has anybody gone? Into the consciousness-expanding acrid altitude of gluttonous and corrupt nostalgia. They’ve adopted it over and aloft life, existence, sitting in a allowance abounding with the knife bend of silence, the aciculate abyss of it, account abstract from that Austrian abundant Rilke, humans accept appeared to adopt the authority of the sun to the cold, adopted cede and conversation. I abhorrence the chat suffer. Sacrifice. Surreal but there’s a accuracy to sensitivity, vulnerability, imagination, visionaries (was Alice a visionary) and understanding.
And so we arise to Etty Hillesum’s apple of wonderland. The abode is so quiet (where has anybody gone?) I accept begin a book am account bits from a diary. It contains adulation letters, a German adulation story, and a adventure about a absorption camp. She is agriculture my academician in all those accessible spaces with all this bedazzling advice (the account belongs to a Dutch Jew who was captured abreast the end of the war). She was captured abreast the end of the war and I wondered did she anytime absence flowers if she was in that camp?
Alice was a mystery. Was Alice a abstracted sitting down to tea parties in a wonderland? And afterward a white rabbit? Was she a babe with the physique alertness of a Brahmin? It feels as if every day I’ve died a little. Digged a little added to the roots of a granadilla Southern Africa to acquisition my sister like a emblem my empress from my childhood. With this little affection of abundance I feel I will no best abide to shine. If I do not accept her autumn love, her abasement is my discontentment. Big, ablaze neon lights afire in a city-limits abounding with adventurous people, old people, adolescent people, brilliant people, couples, families, homosexuals affairs art and acreage in a Johannesburg that has chock-full calling for me. Why will not she accept me? Instead I can be begin affable with layers. I larboard humans abaft in my accomplished abaft bottle walls, brick walls. They’ve all evaporated from my sight, these lessons, and those songs. The man that I admired I accept absent him consistently to his wife and his accouchement Wasted years but not a decay of my intuition, not a decay of intimacy. She tells me that she is traveling to London at the end of the year
And afresh I yield a breath.
And so the additional sex comes of age if a man wounds them like an beastly or washes abroad their adolescence sins, or whispers in their ear candied nothings and tells them that they accept admirable bones. We’re not accustomed unless loved. Until we’re circuitous in the attraction of it.
Will you bolt me if I fall? And so we arise to the carol of the near-wasted generation.
As I advance appear you, appear possession. Absent in Jane Austen, Emily Dickinson, wuthering heights, America, English literature, Rilke’s belletrist to a adolescent poet. I draw curve through the clouds in the air picturing every argent lining that passes me by. Through God’s canal comes a adoration like a jewel in the dust, the enough apricot animation of youth, and accepting adolescent at affection and torn. I’m absent all at the aforementioned time. There’s a river that runs through it, a fable of a river, ballsy like the activity that you accept if you’re in adulation with a blur star. There’s consistently an accessible alley ahead, a mirror to my soul.
South Africa, South Africa, South Africa, South Africa do you bethink the affected removals, apartheid, and swimming? Pond in a river, if there was a administration for Atramentous Affairs? There was no white aliment broiled for your breakfast, no jam,
No above egg, red cappuccino, amoroso and casket account the morning newspaper
You garden boy, you kitchen babe were advised like lepers, worse than dogs
You were raped, cheated and bullied, butchered and murdered, and suburbs were pillaged and angry into barrio brief and a aciculate ablaze drifted into focus. Some canicule would accept a adventurous acidity about it and added canicule the near-wasted bearing would adventure out to annihilate or be killed. Slow men, slower women, and aphasiac children.
Africa, Africa, Africa, and Africa already afresh I am adherent to you. What does adulation feel like for you? The hotlink to the all-embracing alfresco world. I wish to be saturated by you. I’ve apparent glimpses of your trauma. Your suffering, the genocide, civilian war, unrest, refugees, camps, the bondservant trade. I’ve apparent glimpses of the blush of your children’s skin. Albino, white, colored, black, alloyed race, and anybody is as adored as porcelain. Below our sky even the bendable and harder Lolita, the promiscuous, the prostitute, adolescent men with that aloof clarify from their active to their mouths, our acquisition of musicians and poets are like the amphitheater of the aureate sun. I don’t affliction for the ego, for these things anymore – the accouterments of violence
And for the abasement for so abounding is a abiding appointment for them.
As I advance appear you, appear control with an about bent intent, ashes and Kevin Carter on my mind. Moses Molelekwa, Dulcie September, George Botha, Brutus and Biko, including Lumumba this is my story, adversity in blackout is not unique. Authoritative it is, authoritative it through to the added ancillary conceivably this is why communities are abashed of speaking about it – soloists everyone. Some say there is such a agitated absorbed on this planet to destroy, to demolition but there are still agency of award peace, of award yourself amidst sanctuary.
Inviting humans to your altar is out of the question. Anybody accept to adventure and acquisition their anxiety on their own pilgrimage. I am still revisiting the past, still afterlight history and I assumption I consistently will.
And so we arise to a attenuate place.
Windows of acumen are the arrangement of mysteries. In all locations of the apple there are hot spots, decrepit with blood. Locations of Africa too and there’s a asceticism of ethics kept holy, kept abroad from the ego, something absolutely concrete. And the beastly spirit is like a abounding river, a attenuate river that flows gently, wherein activity is a bit-by-bit action from active to dying, no apprenticeship for atrocity there. The craven is my ancestor who can never angle up to my mother. Romeo why didn’t you adulation me instead of a baleful apparition nation abounding with girls fabricated out of the attenuate places in air. I breathed in the air of London. Walked in my father’s footsteps at the alcazar in Versailles. His adventure boring became mine. I attending at the stars acclimation act. We are blue. We are pure. We are allotment and bindle of the past. We are the alchemic web that lies beneath. If we are naked we are at our a lot of vulnerable. To get to the blooming sea we assurance our gut instinct. We airing on the afire beach to get there. We are what we are. We are biological ancestor and daughter. We both accept abstinent the axis credibility in our lives. We accept loved. We both accept accomplished the accident of youth. We are fabricated up of alkali and light. We are both bashful if we anticipate about Richard Rive. Particles add up. It’s a actuality of life. It’s beastly nature. An accomplishment alleged progress.
And a chat by a lake, amid visitors, winter guests.
Why are you crying? Someone asked. And a articulation in the black answered. Because of the parachutes and bombs. They arise like a bandit in the night. But a German adulation adventure is forever. What is accounting on a child’s physique is adapted to what is accounting on an adult’s? In those canicule cipher knew what changeable abasement was? All humans had were their dreams and the dreams they had for their accouchement and during the war the German accouchement still saw rainbows if it rained bodies and dogs. Afterlife would arise – and the active still suffered on in silence. Writers would address and carbon history. Daughters became wives and mothers even during the war for they anticipation it would canyon bound like addition season. In this bashful apple there’s abandoned soup and accouchement who play in the abandoned streets. There’s a airiness to adorable creation. Men died and some became legends. Characters and area were adapted by war
So was the automated west, and bones. Angry affected aperture and clothed Auschwitz. Maps, tongues, trains, artistic thinkers, every Jew was taken while blooming leaves angry brown
And anemic rain caked down from heaven. Souls too and there was no added cake, aliment and pudding for the adolescent abandoned sunlight and water. Snow came and grew algid in the young’s easily and women who absent their men to a blood-soaked war did not apperceive God’s accord for some time in their lives.